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from: http://www.aegisub.net/2008/12/if-programming-languages-were-religions.html


If programming languages were religions...
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By amz

C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its
laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it
from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many
people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids
so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds
its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original.
Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing
to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a
few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as
coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and
ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell"
was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex
new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation
of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced
that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree.
Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more
radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you
realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe
to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd
probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against
you for following it.

Lisp would be Zen Buddhism - There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma,
there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach - if only
you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it's not a language at all; others
say that it's the only language that makes sense.

Perl would be Voodoo - An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve
the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires
you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on friday night.

Ruby would be Neo-Paganism - a mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten
together into something that might be identified as a language. Its adherents are growing
fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning
people with no intention of harming anyone.

Python would be Humanism: It's simple, unrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is
common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed
by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are
some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

COBOL would be Ancient Paganism - There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region
and was important, but nowadays it's almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many
were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping
it alive even today.

Visual Basic would be Satanism - Except that you don't REALLY need to sell your soul to
be a Satanist...

Thanks to jfs and other people on #aegisub for the suggestions. Keep in mind, this list
is a joke, and is not meant to offend anyone. Also, if you're a Muslim, please don't
kill me.
_________________
I'm not going to rape her, I'm going to fuck her...
I've been all over the world, and everywhere I go people tell me about the true Gods. They all think they found the right one. The one true God is what's between a woman's leg...

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